As many of you know, on July 6th we suffered a miscarriage. I was 9 weeks along and was due February 7th. For some reason it happened 5 days after moving to a new house, a new town, a new job, and 1 day after Julie went home after being here to help us unpack. My pregnancy had progressed normally up until that point and I'd had no indication of any problems. I'd had my 1st doctor's appointment the day before and scheduled our 1st ultrasound for 3 weeks away. We'd set up the crib in the nursery, thinking we'd unpacked it so we might as well just put it up. I'd unpacked my maternity clothes and put away all the clothes I thought I wouldn't wear for the next 7 months. I'd even bought some new ones on the 5th, never dreaming that the next day our whole world would change. We knew there is always a possibility of miscarriage, but thought that we were far enough along that the probability was not that high. We were devastated when it happened. It really was the loneliest I've ever felt. Once you find out you're pregnant everything revolves around that baby-what you eat, drink, do. All of a sudden that little person isn't there anymore and that is heartbreaking. I just felt like a part of me was missing. The hardest thing was figuring out how to tell Kaia. She is at the age and has the personality where she doesn't miss or forget a thing. We thought that maybe if we just didn't talk about the baby she would forget. But occasionally she would ask me if the baby is "getting big and strong" or how the baby is doing. When we went to the doctor for my check-up after the D&C she asked if we were going to check on the baby. It's heartbreaking. At the same time Kaia has been my best therapy. She is so entertaining and keeps me laughing all day. She showers me with hugs and kisses and keeps me busy so that I don't think about it all the time. And she makes me so thankful that we have been blessed with a child when so many others don't even have that blessing. While it's extremely difficult to lose a child, no matter how many children you have, we are comforted by having her. We have also been comforted by all the thoughts and prayers being lifted up by our family and friends. We have really felt your prayers around us and they have helped sustain us. I know the Lord is with us and I know He was with me when it happened and everything that followed. Last week I was getting back to unpacking and found a daily calendar that has a devotion and Bible verse for each day. Curious, I flipped to the page for July 6th and this is what it said: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4. Each day I am amazed by the little ways God shows us that He knows our circumstances and knows just what we need and He is with us always.
